FemSex and MSex, please accept my deepest, most sincere apology.You’re right. I was ill-informed, and I didn’t mean to spread my ill-information like a plague. How could I have been so ignorant as to not assume that those things done in FemSex (discussions of dildos, vibrators, strap-ons, and other various as-sistors of deviancy) are also discussed in MSex? How callous of me to have assumed that men in heterosexual relationships might not also want to be rammed in the buttocks with a piece of plastic by their significant others. I promise you, I shall never make that mistake again.
And to Ms. Stoeffel, while I’m almost sure that you are cor-rect about my own repressed homosexuality, I must say that you have it all wrong about my co-editors. As a staff, we heartily cel-ebrate all the gay holidays. I think it is a heartless, perhaps even an insensitive implication that I have not come out of the closet as a result of my co-editors’ homophobia.I think that it should be noted,I have come out of the closet many times.I simply remem-ber to go back in when my fellow editors finish sodomizing me.Perhaps you ought to consider that we all celebrate our sexuality in different ways. May I prescribe to you a wee bit of sensitivity training? It may quell your desire to herd all of us gay people into that very tiny box you have painted.
Sincerely,
Joshua Unseth ‘09
You are clearly correct in your implication that no man would ever want or need to use a toy at all. Similarly, when you are having game night with your friends and/or significant other, I am sure that you do not use dice to determine who will go first in a game of Magic: The Gathering, nor do you use a piece of paper or a pencil to keep track of victory points in a game of Settlers. When cooking I’m sure you’ve never used a spoon to help push batter into a cake pan nor have you ever found use for a toothpick.
In summation,
Ur dumb.
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