I get a sympathetic response from my friends when I talk about my relationship with my parents. Growing up, video games and television were virtually non-existent in my household. Discipline from intensive education and sports dominated my childhood. I rarely have phone conversations with my parents. Our communication is primarily through email and usually about articles in The Wall Street Journal or politics. My parents strongly discourage me from coming home to Chicago for summers and Thanksgiving is not compulsory. Volunteering or working in other parts of the world is more beneficial than lounging around at home. Above all, I don’t care much for celebratory parties: graduations, birthdays, accomplishments, etc. I grew up with the mentality that there are much bigger milestones to rejoice, such as a graduate school degree, or starting a company or a family.
The unorthodox parenting that I faced growing up is too distant and cold for most. I think it’s perfect. In fact, the close-knit parenting I observe from my friends and family friends are a sign of trouble for my generation and upcoming generations. My generation is too dependent on their parents for approval or input on everything. In general, my colleagues are used to having constant contact with their parents. They talk to their parents several times a week and some even daily. They must check-up with their parents about every minute detail.
Students can no longer pick a college or graduate school without their parent’s consent. As a result of being so attached to their parents, many students are sheltered from invaluable life lessons associated with becoming independent at a young age.
My parents raised me to become independent quickly throughout my childhood. They never packed my lunch or suitcase for me since second grade. They let me freely roam Chicago at night once I figured out the train routes during my early teens. By high school, they assumed I could handle my own academically, so they never paid much attention to my report cards. They would even let me skip school in the morning if I were too lazy to get up, refusing to be my personal alarm clock. To them, teaching their four children to take responsibility and take risks to achieve their goals were most important. They bailed me out when I needed them most, but they would also let me fail to teach me my lessons. (Think current financial crisis.)
They never went on a college visit with me or helped me move in to my dorm; they won’t visit Brown until graduation. They don’t advise me on why I study Chemistry and Economics, even though they are both well-versed in Chemistry. My parents are academics, but they taught me to make my own decisions about academics **this word seems slightly awkward with its previous use in the sentence: perhaps “decisions about my education”?**. I still need their money, but I want to be financially independent from them before I graduate.
I want to challenge myself to be on my own like my parents did when they were my age. My father left India at 17 years old for college in London. After arriving in the United States for graduate school, he finally returned to his home for the first time. My mother left her village in the Philippines for college and returned home many years later. While monetary reasons prevented them from coming home, they grew up faster than their colleagues through these experiences. They learned how to make their own decisions and face the consequences without their parents bailing them out.
I admire the independence my parents taught me at a young age. One of the small yet powerful benefits is that I adapt to different environments quickly. Geographically, I instinctively memorize public transportation routes, airport terminals, street names, and directions when visiting new cities. I don’t panic when I get lost, reminding me of having to find my way out of West Philadelphia last November with no wallet, no cell phone, and no clue. After walking a few miles, I eventually returned back to my hotel late that night; in the morning I went back to find and correct my mistake.
Intuitively, I don’t get culture shocked when exposed to different settings. By venturing into Chicago’s wealthy and poor neighborhoods as a young adult, I voluntarily interacted with a variety of ethnic groups without my parents sheltering me from what to expect. Looking back, I learned much more about racial dynamics and cultures by seeking these places than I did growing up with parents from two countries and living in a diverse community.
Emotionally, I am more mellow and robotic **you might want to change this word to a different adjective, since the paragraph is all positive aspects of your personality, and “robotic” has a negative connotation**, traits that have their advantages and disadvantages. I enjoy having the ability to remain calm and relatively unstressed during emotional situations, from finals week to leaving home, from criticism from my superiors to relationship issues. Going through life without my parents holding my hand taught me not to get discouraged when I am tested.
However, I do wish I had more sense of family. After realizing how distant my relationships have been with my extended family, I recently started visiting them for the first time in many years. I can’t have it all though, since independence forces me to live on my own. Furthermore, I wish I paid more attention to the traditional things in life: birthdays, holidays, and periodical achievements. By focusing on the bigger picture my whole life, I missed out on the memorable small moments that we look back decades later with friends and family.
With winter break approaching, I am excited to come home for two weeks. It’s not so much to see my parents as it is to see my three siblings. Of course, my parents love seeing me and vice versa. Yet, I know they would be happier if I were in a more productive environment working towards my goals. That is perhaps the biggest peril of being too independent too soon.
